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Michelle Meech

Michelle's Pilgrimage Series #13: Yearning

I’ve decided that my class in Pastoral Theology is less about learning how to be with other people and more about learning to truly be with ourselves.  Of course, I get the joke… I can’t do one without the other.  Damn these teachers who know what they’re doing!

 

It seems that all semester I’ve been coming face-to-face with the demons who have devoured my soul… one by one… just like the dancing girls who come in from stage-left across the front, kicking in unison to some banal band music.

 

The following is a result of one such bugger-of-a-member of my own personal chorus line.

And now… on with the show!

 

 

 

Sometimes I yearn.

 

I don’t know what wakes it,

this simple, subtle creature,

but once it emerges from its den of sleep

all I long for is relief

from its insatiability.

My thinking stops

my heart beats, suspended in mock openness, readiness

and every cell of my body seeks to be overcome.

 

A wide-open mouth to a breast

Eyes expecting loving gazing

Upon that which will grant its own fruition…

Like a docking procedure.

 

Not desire… nor want, need, wish or covet

Those are not a body’s words

But a mind’s decision to possess a thing

 

Rather a body’s movement towards

That which it knows not

Something…

it can lock its sights on.

Is it instinct…

this body’s language

that the mind cannot grasp?

 

Sometimes I want to know why this body yearns

because I want to stop its pain.

The yearning starts and I follow

down this path of trying to find

a something which it seeks

but I never do.

Find it.

 

There is only this gaping hole,

that never gets fed.

 

If I could just crawl into the arms of the Lover and be the Beloved,

If I could just feel his Breath fill my lungs and be the Word he speaks,

If I could just suffer his pulsing life into my own and know sweet liberation in that moment of union,

 

I would never have to dine again.

Published Monday, May 05, 2008 10:22 PM by Meech

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About Meech

"Don't you forget why you came to the dance." - Michael Franti... I grew up in western PA, but my true home will always be Bend, OR. Right now I live in Berkeley, CA attending seminary where I am studying for the Episcopal priesthood. In addition to being a full-time graduate-student-seminarian, I am an Enneagram teacher and I work as a coordinator for the Center for Anglican Learning & Leadership. I dedicate my walk on this earth to those people who have been such amazing teachers in helping me to clear the crap so I could hear my own heart beating... Amara, AH Almaas, Adyashanti and many of my amazing friends. I am blessed.
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