On the 30th anniversary of my mother's death

Beth Patterson — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:47:00 GMT

My niece Dione, who I was fortunate to help raise, and who of course, helped raise me at the same time...with her son beautiful son Edan. Mom died 3 years before Dione was born. Dione was very close to my Father for the first 6 years of her life before he died. My Mother lives on in both Dione and Edan, as does my Grandmother, and I'm stunned and grateful for being able to see the legacy of my parents and their parents in these next generations. NOTE the picture attachment to the story about my Grandmother is of my brother Frank and Grandma.

A year ago today I wrote one of the first posts on the Virtual Tea House about the 29th anniversary of my mother's death. Today, the 30th anniversary, there's a few additional things I'd like to say.

For the first year ever, I didn't let the anniversaries of my mother and father's deaths 'sneak up' on me. (My father's death anniversary is March 26th, although different years). I have leaned into the loss of being a motherless daughter and an adult orphan since I was 32. It no longer feels like grief, or longing, but more like gratitude and deeper questioning of who I am, who my siblings are, and what my parents now know that they didn't when they were on this side.

This past year, my sister Lana found a short story I wrote soon after my father's death in 1987 about the reunion of my parents after his death, 9 years after mom's. I will make a post about it sometime. Suffice it to say that I have grown tremendously since then...and my parents are not the same people in my psyche, no matter what/who their energies have and are becoming.

On this Easter morning, and the 30th anniversary of my mother's death (this is the first time in 30 years that I remember these 2 things coinciding), I'm free of much that has bound me, seeking deeper wisdom of the ancestors that my parents are becoming, and have found longer roots of connection and clarity.

Not bad work for 30 years.

In 5 more years, I will be the same age as my mother when she died. This knowledge is a seed of hope and joy--that I've learned so much from her life and death, that even if I don't live longer than she did, I will have lived well and flourished, blooming where I've been planted! What's blooming these days is less resistance to the flow of the river of life. And, have made great head-way on the goal of becoming more eccentric this year--mom would be proud!

Thank you mom, and dad, and happy resurrection to you both, where ever and whomever you are.

Your grateful daughter,

Beth, VTH Host

Beth Patterson : eccentricity, 7 generations

On the 30th anniversary of my mother's death