“So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish” –Douglas Adams
This is my first blog in a long time on the VTH, and it will be my last for a while as well. I took a break because I needed to test something out; I needed to test the extent to which I was using the blog and some other things as a means of keeping myself emotionally connected to, and correspondingly distant from where I now live and work.
What I discovered was that, yes indeed, that was exactly what I was doing. Not posting on the VTH was painful; it made me sad. As I looked more deeply at it I was able to see that the pain and sadness was a direct result of feeling that I had cut myself off from the place I live. Except that I don’t live there any more, and won’t for a long time. I came to see that I was nurturing connections with Central Oregon in a way that kept me from becoming truly rooted here in Spokane, and that wasn’t good for me or for the people of this good place. And so I realized that for the sake of becoming truly honest about not just where I am, but who I am now I need to stop posting.
I know that many people from many areas blog on the VTH, so unlike selling real estate it isn’t location, location, location, except in my case. Oregon has never been where I used to live. No matter what the return address on my envelopes said, Oregon has always been my one true home. I remember being on the University of Oregon campus when I was in second grade and saying “this is where I am going to college.” Talk about early decision processes. Well, I realize now there is a sense in which that has to change. I live in Spokane, and I have a duty to the people here to be truly and fully present, and an opportunity as well to become a citizen of bigger world than I have ever before inhabited.
I realize as well that for most people this is not so hard. They move from one area to another in this highly mobile society and do just fine maintaining a proper balance between deep affection for where they have been and a lively commitment to where they are. Historically that hasn’t worked so well for me. But Robert Hunter is right again. “There are things you can replace, and others you cannot. The time has come to weigh those things….” So that is what I am doing. And what I am discovering is that I really need to live where I live, and when I do that life works a little better. So it is time for me to be all here.
Bill-
I am so sad to see you go. I don’t think I sent enough fish along the way.
We have been blessed to have your words of grace, humility and strength. We know you must ground in your new place/station. But you will forever be missed. Here. In our hearth.
Come back anytime–write from the fringe. Write from whereever you are. We’re here. Thank you.
Hi Bill
Your words sound a loud reverberating gong in my soul. No place seems to feel like home these days (not San Francisco where I now live…not Bend where I did…not the South where all my family is…where?).
I am so deeply touched by your clarity that Spokane is your place now, your duty being to give full presence there. And I trust Spokane and your people there will be deeply blessed by your “lively commitment” to them…a commitment which will bless you equally.
My Friend,
I understand. Totally, sadly , understandably , Iunderstand. Bless you and Keep you..and to tell the whole truth, we have missed you. I will catch your sermons from Spokane to stay connected.
Love to Beth also,
karen
I have missed your missives here- I think you once told me we all belong to a “tribe”- it will always be our tribe- our tribe gives us a sense of belonging. You will always be an Oregonian, but sometimes too much emotional connection does not allow the page turning in our Book of Life. ( It is great here on Kauai to find Packer fans or Jayhawk fans. I just don’t have an emotional connection to those fans!) I don’t know if I am making sense-ANYWAY- I hear you saying that you are moving on, disengaging, unconnecting in order to make room for the new. But the relationships of those earlier chapters in our Book of Life, remain precious. I know. And I get it. “Know where you have come from and where you are going and be present to those you serve.” John 13:3-5. Blessings for all you do…
Bill,
Marie-Louise and I did a lot of moving until 1999, so I understand completely. Your decision is a good one for those you love and serve. I read your sermons, so you have never been nor will you ever be “gone.” You will always be influential, and I know you will always “be a Duck.”
Shalom,
Ken Sandine
Oh, dear.
You see, this is why it’s so very important to share our stories with one another – we can often find a part of ourselves in another’s story that brings us up short and calls us to pay attention to our own behaviors and the motivations behind them.
I’ve noticed this in myself, Bill. I don’t believe my particular vehicle is the VTH, but I know that I have been unwilling to be where I am for various reasons since I left Bend – the one place I have truly been able to call home in my entire life. In my life, I’ve gotten quite good at being elsewhere, at marking time whilst awaiting the command “forward, march.” There isn’t much committment so there isn’t much pain.
So… oh, dear. And… thank you, as always.
I’m so very grateful to count you as one of my mentors and friends in this life. I will miss your posts here which means that I’ll have to be more proactive in seeking out your sermons.
So, my friend…
May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, the rains fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, ’til we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of God’s hand.
M.