I’ve decided. I’m going to kill her and the babies.

Posted by on 06.24.10 | 2 Comments
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I hastily pulled the car into the drive, got out and ran towards him standing in his beloved garage.  Over the rattle of the compressor and through ear-muffs I shouted, “I’m going to kill her and the babies.  By drowning.  I’ve decided.  Right now.”  He followed me into the house and said, “I think it’s the right thing to do.  I hope you have a plan”.

Now, this isn’t to be a post of morbidity.  It is to be a post about someone (me) waking up and “getting what needed to be got”.

You see, what you first need to know is that I am a bird watcher extraordinaire.  Not the kind of bird watcher that needs to know the specific type of bird she’s looking at so she can check it off a list but, rather, someone who loves to watch birds because seeing them gives her heart and soul pleasure.  And, for the last three summers, I have had the most interesting and devoted “mommy bird” move into the hollow of an enormous juniper in my front yard where I have watched her feed clutch after clutch all summer long.

I remember one day there were three “adult” babies standing in the opening and then they flew for the first time!  Right in front of my eyes!  This spring, I was sitting on my porch watching a fantastic hail storm and the poor Mommy fly back and forth gathering food for the current clutch.  One day, while having my morning coffee, I timed her trips to and from the hollow:  three in five minutes!  Over the years, I’ve come to know her and respect her and each Spring, I’ve come to expect and await her return.

And, right now, I can hear her pleas of help as I’m killing her.  It sucks.  Absolutely sucks.

I’ve come up with every excuse to believe that she wasn’t what I feared she was:  “Oh no…she can’t be a Starling….Starlings are flock birds.”  “Oh no…she can’t be a Starling…She doesn’t have a yellow beak.”  “Oh no….she can’t be a Starling…she simply can’t be.”  So she does have a yellow beak and so she is the Google poster child for Starling.

And, Starlings are smart, devoted, beautiful birds….they’re also ruthless in the way they are wiping out song-bird populations world-wide and all sorts of other nasty stuff.

For several years, I’ve been saying “Kill the sea lions” and if you’re from Oregon, you’ll know exactly what I mean (there are aggressive sea lions who swim up the Columbia River to the bottom of the first damn to dine on the poor endangered salmon trying to figure out the damn fish ladder).  Well, what if the sea-lion is living 12 feet from your front porch and you like it?  Then, what do you do?

And, that’s where the “I’ve decided” piece comes in.  Once I was able to face that she is, indeed, a Starling, I knew what to do.  There wasn’t even a question or doubt in my mind.  And, still, it sucks.  Why couldn’t she have been a beautiful powdered-blue?  

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