Medicine Woman… Driving

Posted by on 08.05.08 | No Comments
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This is my last blog post from Oregon, before the real journey begins- tomorrow. My lord, I just got here but it’s been a year. I’m sitting in my empty house, and outside sits the almost full, slightly lopsided, U-HAUL. Wisconsin bound. Heaviest things in front, light things in back.

The U-Haul Sport Trailer

The sadness I feel is complete and deep. Not hysterical, just very real. I know now, (this is the second time I am leaving Bend) that this is home, and will remain so. This year held most-meaningful work, new growth in old friendships, new friends who I will take with me wherever I go, and a lot of chances to ask myself some really hard questions about who I am and what matters most to me.

I am sad to leave behind the people who have taught me canyons of truth about myself. But I have a hearty, childlike excitement about Madison.

Each time I move, I reflect more than usual on my past. I find things I’d forgotten about, and read through some of my old journals. When I wrote my first post for Virtual Teahouse [Note: the 'Medicine Woman______' series] this journaling had been the true extent (aside from school papers) of my writing. This time, I decided that instead of reading my on-and-on-and-on musings, I would listen to the mix tapes I stumbled upon from my early teens- an auditory trip down memory lane. All afternoon I danced around the kitchen as I cleaned, moving to the sounds of 1993 through 1996… of getting my braces off… of group dates and prank calls. I was so innocent then.

And here I am, growing up again. It’s the thing we just keep on doing, though years ago I dreamed that at 27 I’d be the finished product. Instead I feel 13 again, full of wonder and fear, and not going to hide it.

The emails from my med school are getting more frequent… financial aid is guaranteed, my first year schedule is tentatively set. The first week of med school, they walk you through all the details of life for the next 4 years. They even block out an hour for voter registration! (That this is the part I’m most excited about, I’m not sure what it says about me). I’ve been placed in a med school “house” comprised of students from all four years. It’s name is Bardeen. I’ll have to figure out what the name means. I hope there’s an empowering story behind it, but it probably is just the last name of a faculty member or alumnus who donated a lot of money. Bardeen. Sounds a little Scottish. I’ll take it.

I’ve talked to my new roommate on the phone, finally, and he sounded very nice, and not at all like I have to google him one final time to make sure there’s nothing creepy about him.

I’m pretty damn nervous about this U-HAUL. I haven’t figured out how to reverse yet. So I’ll just keep driving forward, until I get where I’m going.

Thank you Oregon! And thanks to all you in it who have made this year an absolutely crucial chapter in this life. Next stop, Wallace, Idaho.

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