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Once upon a time I imagined that I was a rational person who formed opinions on the basis of the available evidence. I suppose most of us go through a period in our lives when we believe that. In some small ways life even works that way once in a while. But now I realize that the vast majority of the time I don’t decide what to think on the basis of where the evidence points, I decide where the evidence points on the basis of what I think. I didn’t meet my wife Beth and figure out, through the application of some sort of objective criteria, that she was a good person and then fall in love with her; I met Beth, fell in love with her, and then decided she was a good person. I am quite convinced this is true even with things that feel quite objective and rational to us, like the rise of the scientific method. The history of the whole thing actually illustrates that we didn’t stop what we now call superstitious behavior because we invented science. Rather, we invented science because we lost faith in superstitious behavior.
I have seen that this is most clearly true in my spiritual life. I amuse myself now and again with the fiction that the reason I rejected the idea of the bible as literal history, Christianity as the only path to relationship with God, and a host of other things that I don’t believe is because I got better educated, which is quite a lot of nonsense, and is, by the way, the exact same argument given by people who do believe that the bible is literal history and Christianity is the only path to God.
But none of us get the truth that way. I believe what I believe because my thought processes, for reasons that are quite obscure to me, are quite naturally tuned into ambiguity and mystery, metaphor and analogy. I didn’t decide to become that way, I just am. And because I look at the world through that kind of thinking process, I draw conclusions which are consistent with it, and fit into it, which is all any of us ever do. In this sense the red queen is right, it is always “verdict first” and then the trial. Faith precedes the evidence and we look at the evidence through the lens of our faith. In the case of my own faith, Christianity, for example, the first Christians didn’t come to faith because someone told them the stories, they told the stories – and even invented several -because they had already come to faith, and that is how the gospels got written. With modern Christians, the process is the same; it is that we come to believe and so are able to make sense of the stories, not that we make sense of the stories and then decide to believe. We lose that faith when it no longer provides an adequate way to make sense of the stories.
Certainly spiritual life changes over time. I now believe that happens because the lens through which we look at life sometimes gets shattered and then we have to change. But that change doesn’t happen because we examine the evidence with new objectivity. It happens because sometimes life patterns break down, and so we begin to look at the old evidence with a new kind of faith. Once I began to think this way I realized I had no choice but to look upon everyone with a maximum of compassion. After all, I didn’t decide how I was going to look at life, and those who look at life quite differently than I didn’t either. We are all living out of the best faith we have right now, and looking at life and interpreting the evidence through the lens of that faith. If I want compassion for myself, then how can I do anything else than have compassion for others who are doing exactly the same thing?
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Thank you. I have come to realize that I believe in a loving God because I and everyone I have every counted on in my life fail and I need God to be loving, not because of any real indisputable evidence. I believe in looking for any good that can be found in tragic situations because it is too painful to linger in the darkness. Peggy
I cannot resist “plagiarizing” the last three sentences for “Jets, Jazz, and Jesus” (JJJ) and modifying them accordingly. For Teahouse participants unfamiliar with Trinity Episcopal in Bend, Oregon, “JJJ” is an occasional Adult Ed. Forum.
“I didn’t decide I was going to like jazz, and those who look at music quite differently than I didn’t either. We musicians are all playing the best music we can right now, and listening and interpreting the sounds as they resonate in our musical core. If I want compassion for my lack of virtuosity, then how can I do anything else than have compassion for others who are doing exactly the same thing?”
Quid est demonstrata
Go Ducks!
Great post, Bill–and thanks for the comments, Peggy and Ken.
I belong to a Dream Circle and the members of that circle have become precious to me. That sense of the preciousness of each of them has come as they have shared their dreams which are luminous and frustrating, mysterious and funny. Whatever the content of the dreams are, the process is full of ‘ambiguity and mystery, metaphor and analogy’ to quote you, Bill. And those very qualities are the endearing ones, the ones that enliven our time together and the space in between.
I guess from the experience of falling into love with each of the dreamers and the experience of their inner lives, as well as a variety of other life experiences has led me down the same path as you are describing Bill. The faith that has develped says that the stories these dreams tell can only be marveled at, can definitely not be controlled, and their beauty can barely be comprehended through our current lens. This humbling awareness is one of the most powerful mirrors through which I view the world these days. If our waking life is but another dream, and some of the most profound thinkers, theologians and philosophers have hinted at that perspective, then the mystery and ambiguity of our sleeping dreams tell us that we’re pretty clueless and need to just hang on for the ride.
Do I ‘believe’ my dreams? Only because they’ve shown me time and again that in my waking life I’m actually sleep-walking. Do I trust that wisdom? Yes–I trusted the dreams enough to start listening to them and they’ve shown me a way to engage life more deeply–but it took the initial trust from my ‘life patterns breaking down’ so that I could begin to see that the wisdom of my dreams was far broader and deeper than the wisdom of my seemingly wakened days.
The only decision it seems I make these days is how long I’m going to resist!
Jeremy Taylor has said that the reason we can only remember a fraction of our dreams is because we have not developed a framework yet on which to put the information the unremembered dreams share. In other words, we’re not ready for them, so we can’t access them! They’re there, but unavailable until we build the internal framework to experience them more fully. This idea has stunned me and torqued my poor brain. But the challenge of it, again, is to not resist. Can I do anything about my lack of framework? Not really. All I have to do is keep showing up for life–waking or sleeping–and have a little willingness to know that the framework of yesterday is a ‘goner’ for today’s work. This is because I believe and I choose to see.
I love Ken’s work with ‘lack of virtuosity’. I’m going to get some business cards that read:
Beth
Dreamer and Vision Seeker
Does it with lack of virtuosity, but with humor and the beginnings of humility
There are statistics out there to prove just about anything you’d like to believe. Lobbyists, spin doctors and marketing professionals have become very good at turning statistics into "evidence" that proves whatever item is on their agenda. It’s a big machine that, when I pay attention to it, causes me to grow ever-weary of our society and it’s grasping for the next fix.
On the personal front, I’m quite convinced that I’ve made this whole "reality" thing up and statistics had little to do with it. While I was being formed into flesh and corpuscles, God gave me this particular and peculiar set of goggles as part of the package and said, "Michelle, go forth and view the world through these and see if you can make any sense of it." I suspect God was having a laugh at my expense. Just when I think I have it, God says, "Yea… not so much."
Yes… then compassion is the only available alternative, isn’t it? Who am I to insist that God gave the wrong set of goggles to the rest of God’s children?
I too am reminded of a line… this one from a Michael Franti song…
"All the freaky people make the beauty of the world."
Thank you Bill for the reminder that our reality is not and can not be objective. And that our only choice in the matter is to offer up compassion.